Well that sucks lol

I know that there are times when I should just let things go.

I don’t have to pretend that I can’t see the faults of my own.

But you don’t have them printed out and posted on display.

Yeah, you won’t throw them in my face.

Because you’re my friend.  

I don’t know if my self sabotage is a method of defense,

Is this another effect of all of the damage that he did?

All I know is I can’t seem to let myself stop overthinking 

And I want nothing more than for you to 

To be that man that I need. 

But I think I lost that chance.

So I put up my walls and I kept you out until it was too late to turn around

And now you’re not even there and I’m standing here all by myself. 

Sometimes I think “why do I even write this down?”

Because I know I’m never gonna let you hear.

And I know I wouldn’t sing it out even if you were here.

But maybe it’ll give me something to think about, 

to say aloud the next time I see you.

I doubt it. 

Can you imagine if you only knew?

You know, I know that you’re not mine.

But everybody thinks you are, everyone says we should be,

except you.

And how could I convince you to think otherwise

When I can’t even convince myself that I’m worth it? 

If we could just go back past the last six years

Get back to the girl that you met that first time,

With the hopes and dreams and crazy eyes,

And when we left, you called my line 

I knew then I was on your mind, 

At that time.

But I’m not anymore. 

Or, only sometimes. 

Anyway,

That’s all I had to say. 

But before we leave, I want you to know,  

If you had ever asked me at any point, 

I would have walked away from everything including him, especially him.

But you would never ask me that.

Because you’re better than him.