Reflections

You like to say I’ve got a lot of anger.
I guess that could be true but what is stranger
is you would even make that declaration
when you’re the reason for my agitation.

You’re the one who blows at any second;
who no one even ever wants to mess with.
You’re so worried all about your reputation.
But turn and act crazy, no hesitation.

Must be exhausting just to think about yourself
and spent more time avoiding anybody else
than to feel a tiny ounce of compassion
because then you might be forced to make an action.

You shirk responsibilities like they’re a burden
and treat your family and friends like they’re just vermin.
Running your mouth about how everyone has wronged you
and now you family has all but disowned you.

Your only friends are chicks off dating applications,
you only want them there to feed you acclamations.
In just a short time they’ll see past your weak flirtation
and you’ll come back to me with ruthless accusations.

All your little secrets that I keep are safe
but this is not a game you want to play.
We both know all the truths that I could say
and I’d sleep fine at the end of the day.

Let’s talk about the nights you spent down at the lake
This was another girl, before you knew my name.
You knew your wife was home and sound asleep
every time you snuck out to do your dirty deeds. 

Or how about that night we parked behind the club
and halfway through your phone was ringing off the hook
and you ignored it maybe six or seven times
before you finally admitted to your crime. 

And I’ll admit that I was foolish to continue
but I was still a teenage kid, let’s remember
You knew how to catch me in your twisted web
and how to keep me falling back into your bed.

Remember that time after I found out I was pregnant
and I made your mom come out to the apartment
because you were too intoxicated to drive
and said the baby I was carrying should die?

And when I woke up with blood in my pants
You made me sit at the ER by myself
Well, not myself, I had your toddler daughter with me
and she was way more comfort than you ever could be.

Remember that first night after we came home
from the hospital, just you and me alone?
I needed help so I could feed our crying infant
you refused and I ripped open my incision.

I’d never suffered quite so bad from such depression
but it wasn’t just the post-partum in question
You were the trigger for my endless misery
and so when the offer came up, yes, I chose to flee.

I gave you everything, entire heart and soul
but what you wanted most from me was just control
and when I made my great escape, your world was shaken
for the one thing stable to you had been taken.

You wouldn’t let me go, you couldn’t take the pain
of having dominance over me ripped away.
You loved to tell me how I wasn’t worth your time
and then fight tooth and nail to keep inside my mind.

Round and round we went until my heart was frozen
and after six long years, the spell has finally broken.
I really doubt you thought this day would ever come
and now it’s here and you can’t take that we are done.

So now you’re scrambling to pick up all the pieces
of what was once the grip you held onto my heart with
but it’s too late, this time I’m truly too far gone
and so you’re struggling to even carry on.

It makes you angry so you lash out, like before
but this time I’ll turn and walk right out the door
and it’s confusing you ‘cuz that’s not how things were,
and I love that I don’t need you anymore.

How many stupid poems did I compose
Misery documented in every single prose.
But all these lines of rhymes, they barely scraped the truth.
Someday, maybe I will blast the real you.

You like to act like I’m just steady talking crazy
and tell you coworkers how heartless I am, lately.
But if there’s one thing I could say to you now, baby
is this isn’t even me when I am angry*.

*But I can get there, if you’d like.

In the Summer

The very first time, I was only a teen
filled with wide-eyed wonder and elaborate dreams.
And I’m not quite sure what I was looking for
when I told you my name and walked through your door.

You drew me a map of the stars and skies
and I began to see forever in your dark brown eyes
but the fairytale ended, as they always do,
and I began to see a stranger when I looked at you.

I gave you my heart and I gave you my time
but neither one was enough to keep you as mine.
It took six long years til I could finally see
that the straws I was grasping just could never be.

We started in the summer, in the summer we’ll end

Went all over the world, hell and back again.
I walked out the door and I choked back tears

On the day you promised that would never be here.